Hi. My name is Cott'n Rahotep and I am performing a mild social experiment under the guise of a made-for-youtube movie series entitled The Morose Mongrel.
So you might be wondering...
Why am I doing this?
Answer: You have a severely underdeveloped and bone-dry sense of humor. Though I can't see what's particularly dry about bones in living creatures... they seem quite wet to me.
Who are you?
Answer: I am, without a doubt, your worst nightmare.
Who am I?
Answer: Please hold. We are currently calibrating data that will lead to a substantial and quantitative explanation stemming from the ultimate source of all this nefarious inquisition.